Drew and Jonathan Scott are coming to Fargo next weekend for the Eco Chic Design Conference. If you need me next Saturday, I’ll be lounging at a perfect farmhouse table in the VIP section while the guys from Grain Designs, Eco Chic‘s Maria Bosak, Fixer Upper’s Clint Harp and the Brothers Scott tell me what’s up with design. Don’t call, don’t text. I’ll be busy.
- The Grain Designs guys brand some wood. With real fire.
- Maria needs a helper on stage. And picks me.
- Clint packs an amazing farmhouse table in his carry on. And gifts it to me.
- Jonathan & Drew decide to stay in Fargo and #PropertyBrothers my kitchen.
What? None of that is happening? Ok – well, then it’s a good thing that HGTV has a Property Brothers marathon on this weekend so I can prep.
15 Thoughts I Think Every. Single. Episode.
1. Here we go, let’s meet a couple who really doesn’t want to remodel but also wants 5 bedrooms, a gourmet kitchen, a man-cave, a claw foot tub and a cat palace in their desired neighborhood for approximately $35.
2. It’s Season NINE. They know you’re just screwing with them at that first house, Drew. (And we know they know.)
3. The real houses are all scary. This can not possibly not end well.
4. But they’re so convincing… yep, I’m team #PropertyBrothers, again! Let’s DO this!
Drew: I think we should offer $450,000
Client: How about $200,000
Me: Sorry, Drew. I’ve got nothing.
6. 3D Remodels are Pure. Magic. How do they even do that?
7. Demo looks fun… AH, here comes the Drama! Asbestos! Lead pipes! Knob and Tube! Wood rot!
Client: “I HATE REMODELS!”
Me: Suckers. Also, how is Jonathan’s hair still perfect?
8. 150 more problems, and Drew ain’t one. (Where the heck is he, anyway?) This is definitely the worst house ever.
9. These clients are definitely from Canada. I know all aboot accents.
10. Speaking of which, Drew and Jonathan are from Canada. Why don’t they have accents?
11. Client: “Hey, Jonathan. I know we’re way over budget, but… Change. All. The. Things.”
Me: How. DARE. YOU.
Jonathan: “Well, that’s a minor inconvenience, but as long as you’re happy…”
Client: “I LOVE REMODELS!”
Me: This is not real life.
13. Wow.. everything really did work out and the clients are super happy! Happy tears every time! Hugs and laughter!
14. Hold on, it’s over?? Wait, what about the other 5 rooms in the house?
15. If I fold laundry while I watch one more episode, it’s not like I’m doing nothing… right? This show pretty much increases my productivity.